[bsd] fic: Unravel
Feb. 4th, 2019 09:57 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
catsbythegreatSo I wrote a fic last week that I posted yesterday called Unravel, which is a fic about Dazai trusting Chuuya enough to take off his bandages around Chuuya and keep them off. The idea behind it is that this would be a big hurdle to overcome in their relationship and an important turning point for Dazai. It is also something that would lead to some conversations about some things, one of which they have in the fic.
Dazai's bandages and what's under them is something that a lot of people in the fandom like to explore, and it's not something I've done anything specific with before now, with the focus completely on that, because I wanted to write it once I had a sort of concrete view about it. It is, in a lot of ways, a personal fic, which is why it took so long for me to write it.
TW for self harm talk (but not in detail, it's mostly about scars)
I felt like I'd come up with an idea in my head of what this one particular issue would look like within Dazai's relationships, but it was something that not a lot of the fandom matched. I don't know exactly how different a perspective this is, but I know that it's different to the stuff I've read.
This fic is one of those things where personal experience comes into it more so than with other fics. Writing is interesting because people put a lot of themselves into their writing, the amount of which probably varies between works. People bring different perspectives and life experiences to the same material in fanfic and it informs how they characterize people and what they focus on in their writing, in big and small ways.
The perspective I bring to this fic is a very personal one, and one that I haven't bothered to really change because I see it as a valid way that Dazai would react to something like revealing his scars. I haven't read any of the comments yet, but I was/am a bit nervous about the fact that ultimately Chuuya doesn't pay much attention to the scars. Not that he doesn't acknowledge their existence or how hard it was for Dazai to take off his bandages, but he doesn't linger on them. He doesn't examine them closely and the whole thing both changes things drastically but also doesn't change anything at all.
I guess what I mean by that is that it changes the relationship drastically in terms of trust. They trust each other a lot more and this is a turning point in how open they can be with each other even in their most private spaces. It doesn't change how Chuuya sees Dazai.
The Dazai in this fic (and the Dazai I write in general I guess) doesn't want attention drawn to his scars. Even if he isn't wearing bandages and even with Chuuya, he doesn't want Chuuya to focus on them, and taking off the bandages is kind of a way to see if that would happen or not. One of the reasons he wears bandages is so that people won't see and therefore focus on his scars, so if he took them off and they were focused on it would be exactly what he was trying to prevent.
Scars are weird things and I think everyone probably reacts to having them differently. Self harm scars/scars gained via suicide attempts are one of those things where it's not easy to explain the scar because in general those things aren't talked about that much, and it's also hard because the scars are created by yourself rather than some external event. So it's basically explaining yourself to someone and that is :/
Basically I'm saying that is what I had in mind when writing the fic. It probably seems anticlimactic, but again I can't tell because I haven't read the comments yet. It can be a big thing to have someone acknowledge something about you that you find hard to share but not focusing on it, and instead moving on. But now they know, and now you feel comfortable with them knowing.
Dazai's bandages and what's under them is something that a lot of people in the fandom like to explore, and it's not something I've done anything specific with before now, with the focus completely on that, because I wanted to write it once I had a sort of concrete view about it. It is, in a lot of ways, a personal fic, which is why it took so long for me to write it.
TW for self harm talk (but not in detail, it's mostly about scars)
I felt like I'd come up with an idea in my head of what this one particular issue would look like within Dazai's relationships, but it was something that not a lot of the fandom matched. I don't know exactly how different a perspective this is, but I know that it's different to the stuff I've read.
This fic is one of those things where personal experience comes into it more so than with other fics. Writing is interesting because people put a lot of themselves into their writing, the amount of which probably varies between works. People bring different perspectives and life experiences to the same material in fanfic and it informs how they characterize people and what they focus on in their writing, in big and small ways.
The perspective I bring to this fic is a very personal one, and one that I haven't bothered to really change because I see it as a valid way that Dazai would react to something like revealing his scars. I haven't read any of the comments yet, but I was/am a bit nervous about the fact that ultimately Chuuya doesn't pay much attention to the scars. Not that he doesn't acknowledge their existence or how hard it was for Dazai to take off his bandages, but he doesn't linger on them. He doesn't examine them closely and the whole thing both changes things drastically but also doesn't change anything at all.
I guess what I mean by that is that it changes the relationship drastically in terms of trust. They trust each other a lot more and this is a turning point in how open they can be with each other even in their most private spaces. It doesn't change how Chuuya sees Dazai.
The Dazai in this fic (and the Dazai I write in general I guess) doesn't want attention drawn to his scars. Even if he isn't wearing bandages and even with Chuuya, he doesn't want Chuuya to focus on them, and taking off the bandages is kind of a way to see if that would happen or not. One of the reasons he wears bandages is so that people won't see and therefore focus on his scars, so if he took them off and they were focused on it would be exactly what he was trying to prevent.
Scars are weird things and I think everyone probably reacts to having them differently. Self harm scars/scars gained via suicide attempts are one of those things where it's not easy to explain the scar because in general those things aren't talked about that much, and it's also hard because the scars are created by yourself rather than some external event. So it's basically explaining yourself to someone and that is :/
Basically I'm saying that is what I had in mind when writing the fic. It probably seems anticlimactic, but again I can't tell because I haven't read the comments yet. It can be a big thing to have someone acknowledge something about you that you find hard to share but not focusing on it, and instead moving on. But now they know, and now you feel comfortable with them knowing.
