The Great Catsby

I was in Chicago briefly over the weekend and I got to see Hamilton because it's apparently way easier to get tickets over there than it is here (in NY.) It was amazing and tbh one of the best shows I've ever seen! My sister and I were trying to rank them amongst the shows we've seen (we've both seen a lot because we both got to see a lot through college/grad school) and it was interesting because she ranks them based on combined content and production, whereas I kind of have mine as 1) ranked by both combined, 2) ranked by production, 3) ranked by content.

The reason I separate them is mostly because a lot of my favorite shows are plays rather than musicals, which tend to have more simple staging, so they wouldn't necessarily rank high in the production category, but they'd rank higher in the content category. Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead is my favorite play, but the production I saw (and I'm gonna assume any production) did not have a production as detailed as, say, Hamilton, because the focus is on the words and characters.

Content-wise there are a lot of plays with not too elaborate (though still impressive) sets and staging that I rank pretty highly because of the content, but they wouldn't be on the same level as some others. Hamilton ranks highly on both. War Horse is a play that ranks probably at #1 for staging and production, but is lower than quite a few things for me content-wise.

One thing that actually made Hamilton really nice for me was (weird anxiety rant under the cut)

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Anyway, seeing Hamilton has been like three years in the making without me realizing it. I never actually intended to see it just because I knew how impossible it was so I didn't want to get my hopes up, so actually getting to see it was a happy surprise.

I'm going to Katsu this weekend! Today, actually, I'm taking the train (five hours) to DC! I really enjoyed Katsu last year even though it's one of the most crowded cons I've ever beene to, and I'm hoping for the same this year.

Also Twitter has been posting stuff about the Olympics a year ago and I remember watching the men's figure skating final live one of the nights of Katsu in the hotel room and ;__; it was just SO GOOD! Seeing Nathan Chen do THAT after his horrible free skate! Seeing Yuzuru Hanyu so happy about gold the second time! Seeing Shoma Uno give the last performance of the night that built into something amazing and then not realizing he won silver. It was all SO GOOD! I'm gonna get emotional about this all weekend too.

Katsu was so nice. I met a lot of people for the first time, did some cool cosplays for the first time, and I still talk to and am good friends with some of those people since then. I'm so happy it turned out that way and we get to have another year at Katsu together!

 ...so we've started off 2019 with loan problems and the possibility that I'll be left with only $300 in my account without any income to add to that amount...great. I love being anxious about more things in addition to being depressed about my inability to get employed! 

Even if the money stays in my account (I can't tell -- it looks like it is but a lot of parts of my loan service account are contradicting each other, which might be an administrative issue), it's still a "you don't have enough money to be secure if something happens and you can't make more." I might open commissions to have something extra, even if I know it won't give me the amount of money a job will. AAAAAAAA this year is not starting out well at all and it's making me depressed. 

I talked to my therapist about it but like with most of the things in my life that add to my depression and anxiety, it can't really be changed. It can only be managed so that I don't go off the deep end. Therapy holds me accountable for a lot of things, which is good. And meds are great. But asdkfjfdslkjdsafdsa I still feel bad and my situation doesn't help. I don't want to live at home. I don't want to have so little money in my account. I WANT A JOB. I want a career! I'm almost 27 and I've been out of school for three years at this point! LET ME LIVE!